Trapped in your Mind
by HorseStar1
Summary: The war's finally captured her, derived her of all hopelessness and forces her to succumb to the pain after doing one last work of saving her Master - but will those who she cares about reach through the haze of her mind and force her confront that she isn't ready for this end - and this galaxy does indeed contain mercy and peace?
1. Chapter 1

_Crunch._

_Wince._

Acutely un-Jedi, to be completely honest, but stepping on the exoskeleton of the heavily armored Kaialrites was bothersome on a number of levels - at one point, Ahsoka Tano would have seen it as disgusting, certainly at the beginning of her tutelage, at another point would have forced herself to go on, unthinking, and now almost stopped to wonder about who that person was.

He was a person, he had feelings, and reasons for his choices.

_"Ahsoka!_" She heard her name being called from above; her nose crinkled as she regarded her Master's tense expression, _"Your focus belongs here and now!" _

She rolled her eyes lightly, and thought (out loud, her mistake) _when does he abide by the Jedi tradition? _Still, because he was right, Ahsoka closed her eyes, breathed in deeply, and squared her shoulders. Her dark lashes lightly touched her cheeks, and her palms were flat on the ground as she hovered in a squat position. Her lekku quivered once, and then her eyes flew open, _Master_, she hissed through their bond.

_Steady. I feel it, too._

_No, no - Master! _Horror played across her features, blue eyes widening in complete dread as she gazed at him - fear at her as he turned to her. _NO! _Her mind screamed, her shields beginning to crumble and exposing her thoughts - hopefully, he would move.

But it was too late - he jumped, but the jump was wild, the flames licking behind him. The building was up in smoke so fast that Ahsoka swore had she blinked she would not have seen the change.

Her legs locked. No.

He landed awkwardly, on his feet, but his legs buckled and he fell. Horror-struck, the small teenager dashed out to him, never minding the thickness of the smoke that billowed around her. She fell to her knees, mindless of the flames approaching.

What was he thinking?

He should have felt this!

"Shields, Snips." The man coughed, crumpling up somewhat as he did so and gazing at her with a glazed expression.

Shields. Shields. For a reason she could not fathom, Ahsoka could not erect those tight barriers. She felt her lekku grow warm in shame and stuttered, "We have to get you out of here."

Anakin only folded further into himself, as though he was begging her no - just no. Like he wanted to lie here and die?

"You can't change everything." He mumbled to the girl. "Ahsoka, don't be - afraid. You - know it -."

He fell silent, gazing up a her, and then with a slight sigh, because it was too much to talk _it leads to the dark side. Don't be scared. You're smarter than I was ever w-with perception. _

Another slight sigh, and Ahsoka felt him tug on their Master-Padawan bond. The bond was there, surely, and had grown over the years, but it was not often used. Some Jedi constantly conversed with their minds (if in close enough range) and could decipher thoughts if left unguarded. But the twosome had become more wary over the years and left the bond somewhat fragmented. Ahsoka swore to fix that when they left.

_When you leave. If nobody comes soon..._

_Master, I won't let you die.  
_

_There's a fire right behind you, you're looking sick from lack of oxygen. I want you to leave. Now. You won't die here.  
_

_No.  
_

_What's the point of staying? Listen to me, Ahsoka. If you leave, one dies. If you stay, two die.  
_

_If I take you with me -  
_

_Then two still die.  
_

_Or two live.  
_

The smoke was choking both of them, and Ahsoka could only feel a tendril of precious air reach her lungs. She was feeling sick indeed, but she staggered to her feet, and her Master, who was looking more and more tired by the moment, gazed at her, albeit angrily. She ignored this as she pulled him to her feet and draped his arm over her shoulder, and forced him to walk.

It didn't go unnoticed that Anakin's face instantly contorted in pain, and his breath hitched. Ahsoka glanced at him in faint worry, and noted that his ankle was in a rather disturbing position.

But it was walk or die. And so they walked.

It was hard, arduous, with the flames licking behind them, though the flames slow due to the materials that made up the building. Once they reached the ash of a battleground, strewn of weaponry and bodies (Ahsoka bit back her disgust, though Anakin grunted, showing that he could still read her like a book) that would burn.

No funeral. They didn't each care.

They were awful. The Jedi were awful, the Kaialrites were awful, the Sith, the Separatists - nobody was perfect, or nice.

She had killed, they had killed. She had watched death, Ahsoka had experienced near death. She had seen hate. This was hate. So were was love? When was there peace, or mercy?

It took all her strength to just walk. Tears left scars down her cheeks, dampening her skin. She did not sob, her crying was silent.

And Anakin knew - he heard her thoughts like she had confided them to him, he saw her weeping though he was not looking at her. His heart constricted when he considered Padme - beautiful, lovely Padme who kept his world intact.

Should he lose her, he would wallow in Ahsoka's despair. He did, but he could live it. Anakin knew his Padawan was drowning in hopelessness, and suddenly thought - should she leave me, what will happen to her?

She'd live. She'd mourn, but she would live. She would become a Jedi.

Neither spoke, and finally, they reached the Clones. Ahsoka's step finally faltered, and her knees bent as she fell. Anakin's remained unsteady on his feet as he regarded her, but soon, he was lead into the Transport - and that was all he knew.

* * *

_Swish._

_Swosh.  
_

"I'm dead, aren't I?" Anakin mumbled through thick lips. When else did you feel so numb, so out of touch with reality?

The concerned voice was his master answered, and Anakin felt like he was an apprentice again, but for once he didn't mind. He relished the feeling, before saying, "If not dead, how bad?"

"Punctured lung, three broken lips, your knee is in pretty bad shape, concussion, and otherwise, fine. A little banged up, but otherwise fine." Despite his 'reassuring' words, Anakin detected that his mentor was somewhat shaken up.

"That's it?"

"They had a hard time getting you stable." Hesitate. "You're so close, Anakin, you and your Padawan. We thought we'd lose both of you..."

"Both of us?"

And then a silent despair numbed him. It penetrated him, because she would never understand what Anakin had so badly needed her to know.

"No." Another long pause, then, "Anakin, she's alive."

"But?"

"Unresponsive. Padawan, she went into cardiac arrest. We got her breathing, but last night she began to project - nightmares - and then fell silent. Her shields are gone, but we can't find her. Like there's a shell -."

"There is life somewhere." Anakin swore, silencing his master.

**Hey, y'all. So, this was supposed to be a oneshot, but it isn't. It'll probably have a few chapters. It's a drabble, it won't be very long.**

**So other updates that I'm planning on; Ascending in the Light - very, very soon. I like this idea.  
**

**Living in the Dark - I don't want to leave this unfinished, but I'm having a hard time  
**

**Silent Hunter - I have a ton of those drabbles in my docs, I'm working on sorting them.  
**

**~HorseStar  
**

**PLEASE REVIEW!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Anakin's own injuries from his (rather stupid) fall healed with bacta, treatment, and his mentor buzzing around briefly, worriedly. Anakin could see the stormy gray eyes reflecting more than sorrow, more than pain, but almost...fear. Worry should not be the Jedi way.

Why? It wasn't like someone had died.

Anakin managed to convince himself that his Padawan lay in the body and wasn't that far off - that they were just preparing him for the worst because he was 'weak'. The Jedi Knight had a terrible time convincing him that he should just see her anyway - he could deal with blood, after all.

Once, Obi-Wan had uttered, "Anakin, it's not like they can put a bacta patch on this one."

Anakin had only staunchly thought that they were _Med-droids _- they could surely care his apprentice.

But when a reluctant agreement was met, Anakin was completely and entirely unprepared for when he walked into that room. There was no movement of her body at all, he could see even as he crossed the room in slow steps. She was like a corpse. Perhaps she was a corpse - or this body was. His Padawan was not there.

He fretted silently (he should have been there, for Force's sake)

No. She was not dead.

Her shields were demolished; anyone with any Force ability could have a field day walking around in her mind, poking at it. Even ordinary beings had a semblance - most rather good, actually, unless their intelligence was low - of shields, but this was completely...weird. But not only that, her mind was utterly _blank_. Except she was in there, somewhere.

Despite his numerous injuries, the panicky Master had been allowed an allotted time with the child. Her body lay straight, her arms resting lightly at her sides, and when Anakin had reached out to touch her to see that she wasn't dead - for he couldn't feel her life at all - and withdrew his hand quickly.

It wasn't cold, not hot, but there was a coolness to it. Touching the skin felt hostile and rude, so wrong. Venturing into the vast expanse of her mind felt wrong - for Anakin had long since agreed that some things were private. Obi-Wan had never delved into his own mind, but then their bond had been lacking.

The Master was horrified. How did this happen? Why? _Why? _He should have seen it, though.

Anakin knew that the grief and the war was consuming her. Ahsoka was still a child, a being stripped of her innocence far too early and thrown into battle without any sense of what it meant. People portrayed it as heroism, which it hardly was. It was a cruel and twisted chess game.

Timidly, Anakin reached out and gripped the limp hand in his own. A part of him longed to apologize to the lifeless body, but he felt that not right, either. Did she even know he was here? He poked at their bond and was startled to find it, but torn.

"Master Skywalker, I'm very sorry, sir, but Miss Tano needs her rest now."

Anakin glowered silently at the lack of intelligence in the droid.

Rest? Right. This was hell, not rest.

* * *

This is Ahsoka Tano's mind;

Dark. So very, very dark, except where she has run to. She had run from everywhere else, and one part of her mind functioned. That was where she was.

She was not cowering, not sobbing, not laughing, she was looking around frantically. She was _lost_. And she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to be found. What she really wanted to do was just to sleep - forever. Should she?

And she was sorry, frightened - hopeless. She could not recall any happier times, none, for she was sure that she had let Anakin die, and not only that - she would have to see him die eventually anyway. Everybody died - why should she live?

The child was torn apart.

Slowly she fell to her knees, her dull eyes searching the bleak light. There was nothing here for her, nothing at all but an endless and senseless darkness. Part of her that once screamed to fight it off was dead.

Was she dead? Was she finally dying? Did she even care? These questions may have presented themselves, but were so insignificant, Ahsoka felt nothing.

She let herself fall asleep. This was when she went into cardiac arrest, and she was kept alive artificially.

* * *

Anakin was shaken; Ahsoka could not have been that body, just couldn't have been - Obi-Wan was right, no bacta patch could or would ever fix this.

When a med-droid explained in a dim, emotionless voice that they could find no other problems and that she should've come around, Anakin had not dared explain that her injuries were not something a droid could uncover - for as much as he harbored a liking to them, most were inadept with emotions. Save 3PO - his wife's worry-bound droid that he himself had made.

But Med-Droids were the worst. Nothing fazed them; they were made that way, for if they felt sorry for everybody , nothing would get done.

So even when the Med-Droid's drone attempted to penetrate the Knight's mind, her knew something had changed that day he had fallen, when her shields had seemed to incinerate in the flames themselves, when he tried to send her away - and then she _just had to get him out of there_ - and her lack of focus beforehand.

Her emotions had been on the rise, and probably had been for some time now.

But she would recover, Anakin said to himself senselessly - because she was his brave, young Padawan. Because she could survive anything and everything better than he could. She was Ahsoka Tano, she was his Snips...

Once he had not cared for her - he didn't know if she knew how much he loved her (not the way he loved Padme), and sometimes watching her, he wondered if she cared so much for him.

Anakin couldn't save her, not this time. Hopelessness ate at him - like the tides of the dark side waving in. Anger, fear, hatred...anger. Fear. No, not hatred.

She would not die, Ahsoka could not. She wouldn't, she had to be all right...

Anger flared. At himself.

He had to _help _her; he should've...but how? How did you break this?

A small tap of a stick on the cold durasteel floor brought Anakin out of his misery; he jolted suddenly as a small green troll shoved a gimer stick into his shins. "Dwell, do not. Come, you will." The wizened Master blinked up at the Jedi, and Anakin wondered what had brought Yoda here - his Padawan - hopefully, surely.

Anakin never found out - the Master spoke with Kenobi in long conversations, only giving Anakin advice that further put him on edge.

But something was going on.

"Come back, I will." was the promise.

* * *

Days were slow, terrible, and drawn-out. Each one had the members of the ship, save Ahsoka, tenser and tenser. Anakin himself was quiet, infuriated, and his rage was growing terribly in intensity. Because despite everything, he truly believed she'd come back...but he knew...

and so it happened. So they said to him that she wasn't coming back, not now and not ever, that she would be declared dead tomorrow, that her mind was hardly functioning...

and he screamed. He yelled, and did not even know what he yelled. He may have even cried...but he struck the stupid droid down and said that she couldn't be dead, and she wasn't...she'd be okay in that one single day...she was asleep, she was recovering.

She was Ahsoka Tano. She was his Padawan.

**Hey everyone, so I'm back - again - and very sorry that this late. But the next chapter SHOULD be up soon - don't hold me to it, though - and then I'll post a short epilogue-ish thing. Anyway, I'm sorry for the OOCness of Anakin. Really, I don't think I wrote him too well this time. **

**REVIEW! (Please)  
**

**Thanks, everybody!  
**

**~HorseStar  
**


	3. Chapter 3

Obi-Wan, typically more reserved and traditional Jedi, was contemplating the conversations he had with Yoda - and further wondered what it should mean that Anakin actually attempt what the serene master and he had come up with. It was truly their only hope if they wanted to save Anakin's Togrutan apprentice.

A headache probed at his temples, a constant reminder of past ventures. Sardonically and ruefully, he thought that at least the misadventures had some good, that he hadn't died yet...

He jerked his focus back to where it needed it to be, and glanced at his apprentice across the room. Anakin seemed subdued, which was overall just as well considering his actions the night before. Since when, Obi-Wan wondered, did Anakin react quite so violently? But Obi-Wan remained silent, watching his younger friend mess with some wires, trying to fix something that at least could be fixed.

Obi-Wan often saw Anakin as subdued, yet the emotion upheaval overthrew him, he supposed. But the flicker in his eyes cried out in anger, in fear...Obi-Wan tensed as he stared at his younger friend.

Something wasn't right...he should say something, do something.

Yet the younger man finally threw the wire down, "I'm going to bed." He muttered, sweeping a hand through his messy brown hair.

Obi-Wan said nothing for a moment, watching Anakin with worry etched across his features. He had a feeling that Anakin would not sleep anyway.

His comm beeped softly, distracting him from the departing Jedi, and without removing his gray eyes from the younger man, spoke crisply into the link, "Kenobi."

"Bring young Tano home, you will." The voice was garbled and grave, but somewhat of a comfort nonetheless, "Want to see her, the healers do. An idea, we have."

Obi-Wan hesitated ever-so-slightly, wishing to know what, exactly, was their idea - for at the moment, if Ahsoka was removed from life-support, she would clearly submit to her own fate. And whatever the life support was providing, Obi-Wan could not help but wonder if her organs would slowly begin to fail her with the passing time.

"We'll be back soon." He promised - they had left the planet a few days ago and were awaiting command; Ahsoka's treatment was debatable, and places such as Kamino did have excellent facilities. Perhaps not so much for the mental aspect, nevertheless. "Kenobi out."

Perhaps tonight, sleep would come, the tired man thought as he regarded the gray walls.

* * *

Anakin Skywalker, as tired and exhausted as Obi-Wan, perhaps more so, roamed the halls of the small shuttle distantly. Distractedly. The dead of night was looming; hours were passing slowly, and Anakin glanced at his chrono impatiently from time to time, racking his brain in restless abandon.

There was always an answer, he reassured himself.

The blow from his own mother's death was sharp in his hand, and arm swept his unkempt hair slowly as the Tusken Raider's dying cries screamed in his mind. And her own tears, on his hands - both of them his own, real, flesh and blood - he recalled slowly shutting her eyes. She had lived, he knew, only to see him...

And now Ahsoka lay in the other room, her life connected to this realm only by a machine. Her death would be one of pure hopelessness.

"Ahsoka." Anakin whimpered softly, in his mind, _"I love you_._" _Surely not as he loved Padme, his wife, but perhaps as a sibling or a child of his own - for how could he not? He had seen her happy, in despair...in all forms of emotional states. He had seen her grow from a naive, unsure child who made up for her fears with reckless actions, and a snippy coverup. And while she was as strong and sure-minded as she'd ever been, she was growing up, calmer, less afraid...

He had thought that she was coping well under the circumstances, was and would be fine. Anakin moaned slightly. He didn't see this...and it was his fault.

That day Ahsoka's shields fell apart when her emotions scattered, he should have done _something_, anything. Maybe he wouldn't always be there for her, but he had to show her that there was light. Somewhere. She needed the light...she needed hope.

Anakin couldn't deny that he had known that...he had sort of forgotten in the frantics of the war, that she wasn't an adult yet, that she was still a child, and maybe, possibly, she actually _needed _him...or someone, whether Ahsoka (or Anakin himsellf) wanted to admit it.

And now it was over...Anakin felt hopeless, helpless, and he kept thinking, "There has to be an answer," but, when he came to the end of it, the only conclusion he could draw from the muddle of thoughts in his mind was that it was his own fault, and they could try, but she was still dying.

There wasn't an answer.

There had to be an answer. He couldn't just give up on her...

but it was so simple, so horrible...

there just wasn't an answer.

Ahsoka Tano, Anakin thought, might've well as been dead.

He gasped out loud in horror at his own thoughts, and knew that nothing he'd been trying to fix here could be fixed; that he had failed, and she was alive, but dying...alive, but only by a machine.

* * *

Her breathing was steady, mechanical, when Anakin finally had the nerve to walk in; he couldn't explain what he felt, because it was just so hard to feel anything at all now - he kept seeing her walk off the ship on Christophis, kept seeing her lightsabers swing on the battlefield...he trembled as he recalled Mortis, saw her Bane's grasp, saw her on Ryloth...he remembered her returning to him after the Trandoshians attack and then, finally, broke down.

Anakin's tears were hot and silent as he regarded his apprentice, and thought that she might be asleep, ready to wake up come morning - but he knew Ahsoka better than that; she curled up, catlike, as she slept. She didn't sleep straight as a board.

Anakin no longer felt so odd touching her skin, though it was cool as ever, and slowly ran a finger down her headdress. "Padawan." He said softly, though the title was somewhat foreign to the man who addressed his apprentice by a nickname. So he whispered that, too, "Snips."

She didn't stir; not that he thought she would. _"I love you_." He said for the second time that night, and heard his voice resonate through their broken bond, and, without fear and without thinking, plunged into her mind.

It wasn't like he could see much; her mind was no desolate landscape, but nothing at all, and so very dark. Suddenly aware of what he was doing, Anakin wondered if he should pull out; but then, her voice, meek though Ahsoka was not timid whispered, "Do you?" The voice was weak and strained and came from so very far away.

"What?" Anakin looked around frantically, seeing nothing.

"Do you love me?"

Even though there was no hope, Anakin closed his eyes; his voice came on its own accord. "Of course."

There was no response. Anakin started to back away in disappointment (perhaps he had truly thought there was some hope, after all) and began to berate himself for imagining her voice.

"Are you real?" The voice came again, skeptical somehow.

"Yes." Anakin replied in surprise; he could ask the same of her, and asides from that, of course he was real. If real meant living.

"I don't believe you." The voice surmised, a bit more forcefully. "I saw you that day."

"But you knew there was hope!" Anakin cried out, feeling somewhat like a hypocrite, for he felt none of the hope that he assumed she should feel.

"Sure." Ahsoka agreed, almost with a nasty bite, "But everybody dies. I can't save you - or me - forever. Besides - I can't prove you're here and I'm not dying or going insane."

Anakin had no response, but stared, wishing he could see her figure. "Did you feel anything at all before - before I came here?"

He could feel her slight frown, and then; "A little bit...but I didn't want this..." Her voice broke off momentarily and then she resumed, "But nothing for...and then you said..."

"Ahsoka." Anakin stated firmly, thinking that should she die, she had to know the truth, "I'm real, because that was my voice...it wasn't 'nothing'...and believe me...I do care for you."

"I've always known that." Her voice resounded after a moment's pause, "I always knew that, Master, after all of our missions...sometimes I was so afraid that after I'd made a mistake, you'd hate me...but I always knew that, Master. Somewhere. Somehow."

"Then come back." He pleaded, feeling helpless once more, "Ahsoka, we all want to come back."

She sounded so wary and so sad, "Master, it's too hard now. I c-can't keep seeing this people die. It wasn't even carrying you back and seeing you like that...it wasn't that. It's watching so many people die, Master, and knowing that you or me could be next, that I could wake up one morning and have_ nobody_."

One step closer to wherever she might be. "I promise I can try..."

"That means nothing!" Ahsoka retaliated, "You aren't immortal! You may be the Chosen One, but you're still human! Look at your arm, Master, or what's left of it!"

Anakin stared into the hazy mist, thinking that it had indeed cleared some...while also feeling shock at his apprentice's words. Ahsoka had never spoke so sharply and, even when she had spoken cuttingly, had at least offered an apology. Clearly, this was not the case.

"Ahsoka, I can try." He spoke hesitantly, "We all can try. I can't promise you my life...or your life...or anybody's." Ouch - that hurt to even think; fervently, to himself, he thought that at least he'd always try to make sure she - and Obi-Wan and Padme - were always there.

Anakin a ball of fire curl into his stomach as his old fears threatened, fears, he knew, that always lived within him; _Even stars burn out...someday, they will not have me...or I will not have them_. How could he pull her out when he had no idea how to help her? These fears were the same, though Anakin did not realize that. Their responses were completely different.

"Then why try?"

"To fight for someone else's lives." He answered firmly, "Padawan. So that can find an answer, to have a chance. Maybe someday -" or maybe not, "it'll all come together."

She was walking towards him now; he could see her baby blue eyes in the mist, squinting and staring at him, "What hope is there?" She muttered, darkly.

"The future." Anakin almost choked; he was so afraid now, "Please, Ahsoka, come with me." He held out one hand (the flesh-and blood one) in pleading.

"But everyone is dying, Master. Everyone! We...we aren't helping -"

"Ahsoka, we're fighting for an end! Nobody wants this! Please, Ahsoka...there is hope, there has to be...or else there wouldn't be a light side...there's always hope, Snips, there will be even in the darkest of times...there has to be. We will do what it takes, whatever it takes. You've seen happiness."

"Anakin," Ahsoka said, calling him by his first name for the first time. "You don't believe that. That there's hope." She lifted her eyes and gazed at him, "You fear the same things as me. You're so afraid of losing everybody...of the future..."

"But I'll fight for this, for you...there is hope, as long as we try." His shoulders slackened, and he stared at his apprentice. "And there isn't only death in this galaxy, you know that."

"You had given up on me."

"Yes." He admitted, "yes, but I can help you...if you let me."

He held out his hand, and Ahsoka contemplated it; for the bond was completely open and Anakin could see what she saw and saw that she was fearing the galaxy plunging into darkness forever, he saw the gore she saw, and saw the pain she felt.

And then he held her in his arms and whispered softly, "There is always pain, Ahsoka, but," He closed his eyes and sent a warm tidal wave of images, images of a baby and her mother, a child riding his father's shoulders, laughing children in fruit trees, a kiss of a married couple. It was a reminder of why he had married; because he could not live with just the pain, but his marriage offered joy.

Anakin wondered how the Jedi always coped, but she, Ahsoka, had experienced joy; so Anakin sent her reminders of a training trip they had taken, a game of tag under the setting sun, a food fight with the clones, a happy child in his apprentice's arms after a successful mission.

She opened her clear blue eyes, her hand sliding into his, and promised, "I'll come with...so we can fight for this."

**I'm sorry this is late...as usual...but a lot of things have been going on in my life right now, and I apologize. (I felt as though before Anakin saw Ahsoka was particularly easy to write, because it's kind of how I'm feeling.) I'll have an epilogue out eventually that takes place a couple of months after this scene.**

**Thank you, everybody.**

**~HorseStar**


	4. Chapter 4

**"Pain demands to be felt" (John Green)**

And so it does - but so does love, so does joy - for a world entirely dwelling in pain...what is that world? Can there be such a world before that leaves you with nothing at all, but pure hatred? Should all the joy be ripped out, where does that bring you? What can you find for hope? Is it possible to live in...

Ahsoka's thoughts shifted as she slowly breathed out, her breath misting in the coldness of the early morning. The sun was hazy and low, and though the planet was cold, she only wore her typical attire and a thick robe. The fog hovered, as it always did, and the arches and vines of the surrounding trees were dark and bare, but Ahsoka couldn't help but think that the curves were beautiful

She stared into the mist, lost in her own thoughts - but then she turned, and she walked away. The robe fell from her shoulders as she walked, her eyes were clear and her lips straight.

The image swirled away.

The dream was gone; she had dreamed, and now she was returning.

Her lashes flickered and fluttered, and her eyes opened clear and blue. Unfocused, but bright. Tears beaded in them, yet she blinked them back; Anakin was gazing at her with a soft look in his eyes. Worried, but gentle. Slowly, he took her into his own arms and held her tightly against his chest. Ahsoka stayed in the warmth of the embrace and closed her eyes, a soft whimper escaping between her lips.

"Sh," Anakin murmured, settling his chin on the tops of her montrols, "Snips, you're all right."

His whole body was shaking, trembling as though he were cold. Quietly, the Togruta pulled back and gazed at him.

Her shields were slowly being built back up, Anakin could feel it. He could only catch fragments of her thoughts now, and they continued to grow more distant. After a few moments, though, Ahsoka was exhausted from the effort. "It's all right, Snips, it takes time." He reassured. Anakin's fingers curled around her shoulders, and he gave a wisp of a smile.

She hadn't spoken yet, he noted, and he watched her while disguising the wariness that welled inside of him. Finally, in a creaky, hoarse voice, she said, "Thank you."

"I'm here for you, Ahsoka." Anakin reminded her.

Ahsoka regarded him for a moment, and then nodded, her silka beads swinging. A smile graced her lips, and then, in a stronger voice; "Told you that two could come out of it - you just don't listen to me. 'Sides, I always save you. Remember?"

Anakin couldn't help frowning at her before he said, "Get some sleep." He pulled her covers up, and sent a hint of a sleep suggestion. Before he left the room, he leaned down and kissed her forehead.

* * *

**3 Months later**

Pain demands to be felt...and it was felt, it was always felt.

Nobody lived without pain, Ahsoka realized. And sometimes, it made you stronger. She fought in a war that didn't always have the best causes...sometimes she killed without wanting to...sometimes, she didn't feel like a Jedi.

Yet she pulled the treads of what made Ahsoka Tano together, and slowly became aware that one day, she might lose everything (or some it might seem), but she would survive it.

She could.

Sometimes, she thought back to the coldness and recovery (yet she always got to look of relief and shock on Obi-Wan's face when he saw her walk out of the Medbay and smiled, and she couldn't suppress laughter when she remembered Yoda's slightly baffled look.)

Was it all worth it...?

Yes.

**Corny. Yes. I admit it. But it's done, and now I'm going to go back to Ascending in the Light. ****  
**

**Anyway - about the quote "Pain demands to be felt." It's from a John Green book, The Fault in Our Stars; I highly recommend it.**

**And I'm also aware that (even though I haven't seen Season 5 in the Clone Wars, I'm going to watch it this summer b/c I don't get the channel) Ahsoka left the Order. But because I haven't actually seen it, I guess this is either AU or beforehand. **

**:D**


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